Things You Should and Should Not Do On Cinqo De Mayo

DO:
Agree to not be a Debbie Downer, and just go out for Thirsty Cinqo De Mayo Thursday with your classmates.

DO NOT:
Forget to eat a good meal beforehand.

DO:
Have a marvelously witty toast (TO HONOR!) to recite before commencing the eight-person 1800-shot wave.

DO NOT:
Get slopness too quickly in front of people you barely know.

DO:
Shock everyone present with the fact that you're able and willing to hold conversations when you're not stuck in a corner classroom for eight hours.

DO NOT:
Try and explain sarcastic witticisms to that one lady in your class when you're three shots down.

DO:
Make that one French dude in your class laugh at your butchered, half-remembered French language skills.
He'll let you have the rest of his nachos.

DO NOT:
Try and explain how amazing Cat Stevens' music used to be to certain plebians.

DO:
Refuse to take your shirt off when people ask to see your tattoos, for once in your life. Good job!

DO NOT:
Try and ostracize that one dude for refusing to participate in Hugfest 2011 At Bar #2. He's just a germaphobe.

DO:
Realize when you've had quite enough, and make sure not to attempt to walk back to the hotel by yourself.

DO NOT:
Try and have conversations roughly equivalent to emotional landmines via Facebook chat while you're still bombed. That's not going to end well for anyone.

DO:
Hydrate very well before bed, get to sleep at a reasonable hour, and maybe have a sandwich. You'll wake up refreshed and in better shape than people who had significantly less to drink than you did.
Pussies.